Six Ways to Set Boundaries with Coworkers when Working From Home
It can be hard to get in the zone at home, when distractions abound. Many co-workers are bored and just want to chat. Setting necessary boundaries is important but often easier said than done.
Below I’ve outlined some advice on how to walk the fine line between boundary-positive and coworker-negative.
Here’s how to get started:
Help your coworkers understand that you don’t report to everyone in the office.
Firstly, the most important opinion is your boss' opinion. If you are delivering for them, start there.
If you have multiple people tugging at your resources, go to your direct supervisor for guidance about what to prioritize. If possible, summarize in writing with your boss all the work you’re doing in advance of your discussion in the form of an agenda. This shows that you are being respectful of their time.
If the above means you have to direct other superiors to go through your supervisor or you have to let them know that you will be running it by your boss, the person suddenly may not ‘need your help’ after all…
Try these gentle lines first.
If a coworker bends your ear too frequently or too long, try to let them know in a way that focuses on your objective, not on their derailment of it. Try, for example,
“These conversations are really great, but I think maybe I need to improve my productivity."
If someone has a habit of bringing you projects or items to work on which aren’t your responsibility, instead of saying, ‘That’s not my job,’ opt for something gentler, such as:
"I didn’t plan for this task, so I’m afraid I don’t have any time to allocate to it."
"Heh, I’m in the middle of something, shoot me an email with 5 ideas on how to solve this problem and I will give you my suggestion”.
These responses not only decline a responsibility which was never meant to be yours, but also sets an inarguable circumstantial barrier: there is no time. They also make them utilize their own brain power to solve problems and teaches them how to “manage up”.; an important skill in today’s world.
Talk it out—and provide solutions
If you have a coworker who you feel isn’t respecting your time or schedule, set up a time to talk.
A lot of co-workers skirt around conflict and push it under the rug, but the longer you wait to discuss this problem with your colleague, the more aggravated and upset you will be by the issue. Since many of us can’t meet in person, the phone will do. I strongly recommend against resolving a problem of this nature via email because tone can often be misconstrued!
If we were in this scenario you might say something like:
"Thanks for taking the time today to visit with me. Time is something I really value and appreciate in order to work as efficiently and effectively as I can. And lately, I feel like there have been a few examples [explain examples] where you could be more respectful of (or helpful with ) my time. I completely realize this was likely not your intent, but it’s what I’ve perceived and I wanted to provide you with this feedback because you’re a great colleague and I truly enjoy working with you. I want to set you up for professional success as much as I can, and I hope you’ll do the same for me.
Moving forward it would mean the world to me if you could [provide solutions ie. show up for our meetings on time and come prepared; give at least 24 hrs notice if you need to reschedule a meeting. This is a two-way street, so I will be sure to better communicate when I can and can’t be reached by . How does this sound?”
Motivate yourself by envisioning what you’ll gain from setting boundaries at work
This is crucial. Many of our clients know intellectually that they should be setting boundaries. They often know what these should be, such as: not gossiping, not agreeing to work late every night, not saying ‘yes’ to every request, etc., but they struggle in actually implementing them.
To get past this, we believe a person needs to get closer to what these boundaries will give them. To help, The Comeford Group suggests envisioning what these boundaries, when fully executed, will offer.
Ask yourself the following:
By saying no to gossiping, chatting or a request that is beyond my work scope, what will I be able to do? How will politely saying no advance my success?
The answer will be different for every person, but getting clear on what you get from this act will make you more likely to actually do it.
When all else fails, keep it simple and say ‘no’
Say ‘no.’ (Not all the time, of course.) Ask about how long tasks will take and if you don’t have the time to help, say ‘no.’
A good line is: ‘No, I’m sorry. I have other assignments/obligations and don’t have the time. Perhaps there is another way you can get it done.’ If it's gossip, a good line is: "No judgement her but my New Year's Resolution was to forego talk about others. It's not been easy but I'm committed to it."
Be realistic about how much time things take. You help no one by participating in unproductive chatter or accepting work you can’t complete at a high quality in the time given.
~Patricia A. Comeford, J.D
The Unstuck Coach, Author, Recovered Lawyer & Creator of The Comeford Method.
